Day 303: Stewin'(s) Over Bruins

So this is it? This is the peak of 2017? We’ve found the summit of Stupid Mountain and it looks like a sumo wrestling match between the egos of Donald Trump and LaVar Ball.

Trump, in what had to be one of the pettiest tweets he’s ever sent (and that’s saying quite a bit) scolded LaVar and LiAngelo Ball for not expressing enough gratitude following Trump’s leverage on Chinese authorities to get the latter Ball released from Chinese house arrest on shoplifting charges. The former Ball, responsible for the nadir of sports parenting and the apex of 2017 self-promotion, claims that Trump didn’t do much to intervene after his son, who to be fair is still a teenager, did something really stupid (shoplifting with two of his teammates from luxury stores in China).

LaVar Ball doesn’t have the best track record as a reliable witness after claiming that he would’ve smoked Michael Jordan in a game of one-on-one back in Jumpman’s prime. He’s probably right in this situation, my theory is that the State Department handled it, but honestly it doesn’t even matter who is correct here. We already knew that Trump had a plantation mentality toward black people and generally suspected that LaVar Ball’s absurd Lamborghini lifestyle that is portrayed on the Facebook reality show “Ball in the Family” was a total farce. If it wasn’t, his kid probably would’ve just asked for a bunch of luxury clothes instead of stealing them.

Twitter drama was Trump’s main thing before he got elected and now that he’s reached the dumbest point possible in this personal saga of his journey down psychopath lane, let’s analyze if this is what his voters wanted and how it affects their daily lives. (Note: I could be very wrong about that last statement knowing that there is always a lower point with Trump).

Donald Trump Twitter beefing with LaVar Ball is definitely gonna improve the economic prospects of your average Trump voter. I can now understand why they voted for him: it’s LaVar Ball’s destruction of American manufacturing through the prodigious output of Big Baller Brand sneakers and shirts from Vietnam that’s ruining America. Seeing as how Mr. Ball is not at all a shameless self-promoting sports Kardashian, I’m sure he’s going to quietly move those jobs back home, handing Trump, and the electorate at-large, a major policy victory that will directly improve their lives and the lives of their children. That’s probably why some of them voted for Trump.

Or some of the people who voted for him could be miserable racists who don’t want to do the intellectual and organizing hard work of addressing structural inequality, but just want people of color to have it worse than they do so they can feel better about themselves.

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