Day 235: Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz has become the Meek Mill of the Senate: Taking L’s at a rapid rate and quickly becoming a joke in “the industry” and with the American public.

The Falwell-esque firebrand looked to be on the fast-track for a White House run after an ultra-xenophobic campaign propelled him to the Lone Star State Senate seat in 2012. Indeed, Cruz was the first major player to declare for the 2016 campaign and was thought to be a serious conservative challenger to front-runner and presumptive nominee Jeb! Bush.

But then Trump came down the escalator and all hell broke loose for Cruz. He and Jeb! were the highest profile targets of Trump’s Twitter tirades. Among other things, Cruz was painted with the allegations that his father was involved in the assassination of JFK, revived birtherism for Cruz and had the appearance of his wife mocked.

Yet, Lyin’ Ted, eventually caved and went to work for the man who insulted his family over and over again. He made phone calls for him. After Trump won, he took his family over to the White House for dinner and his daughters were photographed with American Psycho himself.

Somehow he has now found a way to sink even lower. Last night, the Internet caught Cruz in the act of liking a pornographic tweet. But before you get out your sympathy cards for the Zodiac Killer, consider the following:

  • He defended a Texas law banning dildos.
  • He is against 99.9 percent of forms of birth control.

There is one more L that ole’ Ted could take: the one I hope Beto O’Rourke gives him in the next Senate election in Texas in 2018. You can help Beto get that Dub by donating to his campaign and volunteering your time.


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