Day 17: Worst Take

One of the unfortunate consequences of sports are shows where people get paid to scream (often bad) takes and opinions at each other. Lately though, one of the worst offenders has taken a surprising turn. Your Day In Trump has transcribed an impromptu episode of a reunion on First Take that never made it to air:

Molly Qerim: Welcome to First Take, I’m Molly Qerim. With me are Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless, two people that crush my soul crushed daily because they get paid way more than me to scream consistently bad opinions. Guys, let’s get this depressing excuse for a debate show on the road. Donald Trump has had a rough first two weeks in office. His approval ratings are underwater and he can’t seem to control his staff. What does he have to do to turn this around?

Skip: Things may be going poorly, but it is not the fault of Donald Trump.

Smith: Whaaaaaatttt?

Skip: The rest of the GOP isn’t getting it done Stephen A. John McCain and Lindsay Graham are a locker room distraction, and they have got to go. I don’t care what you do with them, cut them, trade them to the Democrats, I don’t care. Their “me first” attitude is killing Trump.

Smith: C’mon, Skip! You can’t come to me with that excuse for Trump not getting it done with the refugee ban –

Skip: – Donald Trump is a winner, and he gets it done when it counts. He did it the right way, unlike Barack Obama –

Smith: – He didn’t win the popular vote –

Skip: – and Hillary Clinton trying to buy their way with the most expensive roster in Presidential history. You don’t win Presidencies with free agent thugs.

Smith: You talkin’ about Bernie Sanders, you’re talkin’ about AL FRANKEN, ILOVETHISBENCH, they can win in 2020!

Skip: Bernie Sanders can’t get past the primary! Trump is clutch, he gets it done when it counts, that’s why he’s my MVP. He reminds me of Troy Aikmen.

Smith: (eyes bugging out) 39% approval rating, you can’t win with that defense!

Skip: I’m right and you know it.

Smith: I know Al Franken, two-term Senator, most popular man in Minnesota. He is a good friend of mine. If you honestly think that Al Franken can’t beat Donald Trump in 2020, you don’t know politics Skip (high pitch)!

Skip: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Everybody doubted this man. Everybody hated on him, especially LeBron, who, we should not forget, could not deliver the state of Ohio for Hillary Clinton. He has proved them all wrong!

Smith: But Skip, you can’t seriously sit here and tell me that this is a championship team right here. They can’t even get on TV without looking like clowns! For gods sake, every time I see Kellyanne Conway out there she’s always getting dragged through the mud.

Skip: They need to make one change and one change only: Fire Jared Kushner, who hasn’t done a single thing right off of the bench and bring in Tim Tebow as a senior advisor. Tebow deserves this shot, he’ll get along great with Pence since they both hate the gays and abortion and he’s a winner. This group has a championship at its core and I fully believe that they can go back to back.

Smith: Not if Andrew Cuomo has anything to say about it.

Molly: And he has been saying lots of things lately, particularly about himself and his other favorite subject: himself. Coming up: Keith Ellison, can he turn things around for the DNC? And later on, we’ll talk about what Obama theories we expect to see in CPAC 2017. We’ll be right back.

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